Pashtun culture engagement,weddings.
Pashtun culture engagement,weddings.
Wadah (marriage) as a general rule,
is arranged by parents in Pashtun
society and the boy and the girl themselves
do not play any role in the negotiations.
This is because of the fact that Pashtuns
are conservative by nature. Their conservatism
coupled with strict segregation of sexes makes
it impossible for a suitor to select a girl of his
own choice even though they may have soft
feelings for each other. The Pashtun author
Ghani Khan wrote: "The Pathans, in sentiment,
will sympathies with lovers in poetry and fiction,
but lovers in real life pay for it with their lives".
The Pashtun society frowns upon any one, who
expresses his likeness for any particular girl.
But now this trend is gradually undergoing a
change.
In the 19th and early 20th centuries
several peculiar customs were prevalent
among the Pashtunss, particularly the Afridis,
about betrothals. Some of them are:-
1. Laman Shlawal: (literally tearing skirt).
Any woman who was first in tearing the
swaddling cloth of the newly born girl could
establish her claims on the infant. However,
marriages under "Laman Shlawal" used to
take place among the relatives, but with the
spread of education this old custom is fast
vanishing.
is arranged by parents in Pashtun
society and the boy and the girl themselves
do not play any role in the negotiations.
This is because of the fact that Pashtuns
are conservative by nature. Their conservatism
coupled with strict segregation of sexes makes
it impossible for a suitor to select a girl of his
own choice even though they may have soft
feelings for each other. The Pashtun author
Ghani Khan wrote: "The Pathans, in sentiment,
will sympathies with lovers in poetry and fiction,
but lovers in real life pay for it with their lives".
The Pashtun society frowns upon any one, who
expresses his likeness for any particular girl.
But now this trend is gradually undergoing a
change.
In the 19th and early 20th centuries
several peculiar customs were prevalent
among the Pashtunss, particularly the Afridis,
about betrothals. Some of them are:-
1. Laman Shlawal: (literally tearing skirt).
Any woman who was first in tearing the
swaddling cloth of the newly born girl could
establish her claims on the infant. However,
marriages under "Laman Shlawal" used to
take place among the relatives, but with the
spread of education this old custom is fast
vanishing.
2. Neewaka: (literally to catch or lay claim)
can be interpreted as an assertion of claims.
This is another custom under which marriage
can be solemnized even against the wishes of
the girl's parents. Public claim through Neewaka
debars others from making overtures to the
girl's family for her hand. Marriages under
`Neewaka' often take place among relatives,
especially the first cousins. This custom is
also disappearing with the passage of time.
3. Kwezhdan (Betrothal): As is common everywhere,
the parents cherish a desire to get their sons
married to pretty and virtuous girls of respectable
families. But in the tribal areas more importance
was attached to the strength of arms and family
influence of a girl's parents than beauty or other
attainments of the bride-to-be. With the ushering
in of an era of peace and tranquility this trend has
however, undergone a drastic change. The boy
is now also consulted while selecting a girl and
his views are given due weight in educated families.
Customary overtures for betrothal commence with
a visit by the mother or sisters of the boy, to the
girl's parents. Friends and relatives undertake
either by the parents themselves or negotiations
for matrimony. As a precautionary measure the
girl's parents make searching enquiries about
the character, education, occupation and other
attributes of the prospective son-in-law. After
an informal agreement has been reached, the
boy's parents approach the girl's parents in
a formal way i.e. a Jirga consisting of relatives
and village elder’s calls on the father or elder
member of the girl's family. Similarly a female
party calls on her mother on the day of public
proposal. The Jirga settles terms and conditions
regarding ornaments, clothes, Mehr (dowry)
and Sar (bride's price or head money).
The ceremony is rounded off with distribution
of sweats among the people in the Hujra.
thanks,Azim afridi
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